Saturday, March 16, 2019

40, Portland, Oregon

I've started coming to terms with likely Autism at 38 following a string of brain seizures (frequent comorbidity with Autism). I figured that the seizures had a lot to do with maintaining the mask & hiding the Autistic traits & struggles.

I'm a navy veteran, former submarine nuclear reactor operator. Currently I work as a Laser Engineer at Intel, for Electo Scientific Industries, with no college education... Because school is overly frustrating, but I know what I'm doing, and I have a particular talent for understanding things others don't even see. This doesn't mean that I'm not struggling daily just to communicate with people, universally ostracized for being different (& yes, often because I can unintentionally be a tactless a-hole), and frequently change jobs because I eventually hit a motivation brick wall. A situation where, because my motivation to do my job well is genuine & core to my functionally in the job, I find a situation where I suffer a total & complete motivation loss. Often because I could see clearly that the emperor has no clothes & no one will listen, because I'm a little special. I either give up and move on, or hit my head against the brick wall until I'm asked to leave. Since I'm a-social, I tend to have too much of my identity tied up in my work

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