.
I am 33 years old and am from South Carolina. Unfortunately,
I am amongst the many unemployed on the spectrum.
Although I did go to college and became a Nationally
Certified Pharmacy Technician but couldn't handle all the people.
When I was a kid my brother and I pretended we were knights
and we would be on are bikes and have sticks and try to jam them into the
spokes to throw us off our bikes. Lol lots of scrapes and bruises
I am very nervous around people but love to play my bass
guitar. I play in front of 500 people every Sunday, but because I am playing it
helps calm me down and I just look at the drummer lol
I would for one like people to know it isn't just children
who have autism! All children grow up and so do the needs. Another one is
people don't seem to understand because we don't look a certain way we must not
be disabled or have any special needs even though you may tell them you have
autism
My life has been tough. My dad was very abusive verbally and
mentally and it has caused me to be afraid of people. My mom was very loving
and was the only source of encouragement I ever had. My dad often tried to keep
me from talking to my mom and not sure why but she let him mostly control that.
In 6th grade I got really my first real good friend named Terrance and with all
the parties my dad had every weekend with many drunk people stumbling around I
was able to hang with him. He was a refuge for me a lot of weekends as well as
my friend James who I met the same year. My mom constantly told my dad I needed
to be tested but he would always say no there is nothing wrong with him he is
just lazy or some other hurtful thing he could think of. While my brother and
sister did their own thing, I was like my dad’s personal slave. Even as a child
I was required to do no less than 17-wheel barrow loads of dirt a day along
with picking up numerous loads of cut tree limbs across are 2-and-a-half-acre
land while my siblings didn't have to lift a finger. When my dad’s friends
needed help, he sent me to do the physical labor and when I was exhausted and
hungry and stressed out, I was a worthless piece of shit. I lived like this
until the age of 22.
Growing up I struggled in school and had to have speech
therapy. I didn't even begin to speak words until I was three. I always had
more fun playing by myself and from a young age noticed I had an issue with
texture and certain tones. I can remember my mom having many parent teacher
conferences over my struggles with learning and also because I was not socializing
with other children. I also had my routines where my mom and I would go every
weekend to the store where I got a ninja turtle figure and later a x-men
figure. This is a routine I still carry tile this day. As I got older, I mostly
locked away in my room to get away from my dad, but it was also my bubble my
safe space. All through school I struggled and still do with communication. I
didn't understand why everyone could carry on conversations and when I tried my
mind would go blank and I take everything literal. Some of the people would be
sarcastic but usually I would just stare at them because I didn't understand them.
When I was 18, I got my first job which paid good, but it was hard. I worked at
Target Distribution Center T-594. I was miserable with the lights and sounds
plus all the people. I wanted to quit but also couldn't because of my dad. I
had meltdowns every day but didn't know that's what it was at the time. I
lasted there for Three and a Half years but was let go over a rubber band I was
putting on the boxes popped off and hit someone. I didn't mean for it to but
they said it was a safety issues but all I could think was yay I am getting out
of this hell. Wasn't thinking about being home with my dad. My next job lasted all
about a month and a half at Hollywood video making way less and again dealing
with people. This was right before they went out of business and I go in one
day to have the manager say bad news the store is closing. It has been like
this for me with jobs to even with working at CVS at the age of 28. This is
when my mom died suddenly of cancer and all my coping mechanisms were lost and
I had a massive regression. Thankfully I had my wife to help me. My mom died a
month before my 29th birthday and 3 days before Thanksgiving. When this
happened all the people who were supposed to be my family told me I wasn't
wanted anymore. 😥 A year later I am watching YouTube and this
video about Asperger’s syndrome is playing and I am like oh my God this is
me!!! I wake my wife up at 3 am and she is instantly like yeah scarily this is
you. Next, we go to this nurse practitioner named Thompson who after telling
him what has been going on all my life and what we think he recommends me to
mental health. I instead was told they don't do autism diagnoses there. I found
my current therapist online and made my first appointment. After struggling to
talk with her she said she felt I was close but not Asperger’s but would have
been PDD. After a couple visits, I take these tests she tells me are the DSM5.
After another couple visits, she tells me its official you have autism.
I am so happy I got my diagnosis because it answered the why!
I spent many times asking my mom and then my wife what’s wrong with me why am I
so different. Now I am part of an Autism group that meets twice a month that
has given me some of the best friends I could have ever asked for and then I
also joined this group.
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