I am a woman aged 58, and I live in Sweden, in a suburb
close to Stockholm.
I was diagnosed with autism half a year ago. The diagnosis
felt as an acknowledgement of how hard I have struggled all my life. There was
also the feeling that everything was forgiven: I could forgive myself for all
my shortcomings because autism had made life so much more difficult for me, and
I could forgive others for not always treating me so well, because they did not
know that I am autistic.
Many people have helped me during my life, but two of them
were especially important.
As a young adult, I was completely lost and I found a
therapist who helped me to feel what I was feeling, to see my needs, to start
to understand who I am.
Twenty years later, I had a deep longing for an intimate
relationship, and I met a healer who helped me work through the obstacles
preventing me from opening up towards men. For more than 15 years now, I live
in a happy marriage and this is the source of my greatest joy and happiness.
I would like to tell neurotypicals that autism can come in
many forms. Rather than the stereotype of being overly rational and reserved, I
am overly emotional and too expressive. And I would like to say to other people
on the spectrum to just be kind to yourself. Being autistic is hard; don’t beat
yourself up when you fail at something.
Thank you for your blog. I too am 58 and was diagnosed last year. It made things so much clearer. All the struggles and confusion on why I couldn't be like everyone else. I wish I had known this decades ago. I too have a loving husband and he completely understands and accepts me. I can finally be myself.
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