Thursday, May 2, 2019
I'm 21 and was born in Chicago. We moved to Kenosha, WI when I was about 9. I have never had a job and I currently live with my dad, so right now I crochet and sell what I make for some extra money. People are often surprised to learn that I was in prison for six years, considering I'm only 21.
My biggest accomplishment, in my opinion, is that I am a good person even with everything I've been through. To be honest, I don't know how I am, even with all the good people in my life, I don't know how I came so far from how I used to be. I want the world to be more positive and eco-friendly. I would like to not get depressed or suicidal anymore. Some of the people I told I was autistic acted like I was mentally challenged. I told them I'm smart but that I have sensory and communication issues. I don't know how I stopped being abusive and suicidal. I think maybe it became too much, I have different morals than I used to, I was sent to prison at 14 and was abused by staff and inmates until I was about 18. Then I got treated better in the adult system after they realized I was telling the truth about kid prison being abusive. And right before I went home from prison I met with an Autism specialist who talked to me, the staff, and my dad and diagnosed me. I was isolated with no property (including clothes at some times) for almost a year, so I think that may be what did it, even though I was terrible and desperate that entire time.
A funny story is when I learned what the sex term "69" meant. A staff in kid prison was making a poster about cancer and said he never thought he'd be able to make 69 on a poster. Everybody around laughed, so I was asking what was funny. Nobody would tell me. So I was going around, asking everybody, my therapist finally did hand gestures to explain it. She said, "Usually people do this" putting her hands together . 69 she just flipped one hand. I asked, "So people lick each other's toes?" She just cracked up. So I had to go around asking people again and I was telling them what my therapist told me, hand gestures and all. Everybody laughed but nobody answered me until the original guy that drew the picture. He explained that you have to push the hands a bit further. I understood and passed it on to my therapist that you don't suck toes, it's another thing.
Things I'd like to tell other people on the spectrum (and any NT too) is to accept yourself. You don't need to change for people to like you. Be yourself and the people you need will like YOU. The report I got said I don't give much expression, which I wasn't aware of. I also hardly ever stop moving my hands, usually rubbing my nails or seams of clothing. After I was diagnosed and read some stuff, I became surprised that it took so long to be diagnosed, considering I'd spent the previous 10 years in state institutions. I had meltdowns, but the institutions called it being defiant and forced medication on me that made me worse until I was old enough to refuse to take it. I was happy to be diagnosed because I thought that would bring up resources to help me that I didn't have before and I could actually get help and talk to people that understand what is going on with me. I was also sad and angry that the diagnosis was taken off at 11 because I think I wouldn't have had to endure the abuse in prison - may not have even gone to prison - if people knew I didn't understand social stuff as much as most people. And I'm also more upset at certain staff that TARGETED me.
I know people say autism isn't a disability, it's a different ability, but if you saw me back then, you'd know I wasn't okay. And these staff still hurt me and isolated me so much. I am kinda anxious about talking about autism much because I all of a sudden am all over it and I have a tendency to annoy people. So I like the autism groups I'm in on Facebook because I can talk about it all I want and read all I want without having to worry about people thinking I'm too much. I went to prison for false accusations and hurting myself, and was sentenced to 4 years in the adult system for battery by prisoner (only because nobody acknowledged it was self defense I actually did, and the staff supposedly hadn't ever hurt me).