Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Anonymous 9

Anonymous
26
St. Louis, Missouri, US

I'm working on becoming a YouTuber/video editor and writing a book with my poems.
I think people would be surprised I write poems.
My biggest accomplishment is that I turned out to be a good person.
I wish people liked themselves more.
I wish the neurotypical people would understand that just because some is diagnosed with autism, Asperger’s, or PDD that it is not a death sentence. We are our own people with great personalities. To the rest of the people on the spectrum, I’d say its ok to be weird. Most people respect the fact you are being yourself and will give you the time of the day.
I went to a special education middle school, The Miriam School, where I had tremendous support learning social skills. I also received speech therapy, fine motor skills support, and a lot more that I could never repay them for.
Here’s a funny story: I made one of my first friends in second grade when he threw a ball at my head and said “play with me.”
I was diagnosed with OCD at 5, ADHD at 6, and Asperger’s at 7. I didn't think much of it until I got older, and then I started resenting it and myself. I wouldn't tell anyone I have it and I distanced myself from people with the same or similar disabilities as me. Gradually, my views about my disorder changed, probably as a result of reconnecting with my middle school friends.
I went through things I believe are pretty common: Being bullied, not knowing how to stand up for myself, and switching schools frequently. I had a hard time making friends, though I’m decent at it now, people just tend to like me. I have a great support system. The only reason I've made it through has been my family. I do believe my diagnosis is a strength, it gives me a perspective most people don’t have.

Here’s a poem I wrote:
If only this could be a fable but I’m mentally unstable, it’s like when an earthquake hits but you're on top of the table. I have Asperger’s, so whenever I do something social I’m awkward and it happens like clockwork. I’m living with ADHD and a coat with a PhD is prescribing me Concerta or Adderall. I just want to be better y’all. I wish I could stay on one topic but my mind is like a ball pit that a bomb went off in. And next comes OCD. It makes my brain go woe is me. I wish I didn’t perseverate on things that devastate my mental state. I wish I didn’t have to be depressed, I just want to be content. Everything I want to do gets suppressed but I guess that’s just a side effect. I never planned on trying to waste myself but I've been in the psych ward so many times that I pace around with my laces out, and I’ve never been chased around but I've seen someone try to hang themselves. I’m mentally unstable and someday I hope to be under the table.

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