Tuesday, October 15, 2019

I'm 34 and currently live in Northern CA

I'm a mom. I both love and tire of it (though never hate it)
I make chainmail jewelry for fun

My biggest accomplishment thus far is recovering from a mental breakdown by the age of 17 and no longer being institutionalized, as predicted.

How I want to change myself is, I want to be less angry, show more love, so that I can model that for my children

I want those who are not autistic to know: It's not a horrible thing, but it is something that requires a different way of handling things but that doesn't make the autistic person bad or deficient

I want those who are also autistic to know: Keep trying. Keep breathing. The more we know about ourselves and can share it, the easier it gets.

Resources that have helped me: I had speech therapy as a kid, I don't know how my speech would be now without it.

Signs that indicated I am on the spectrum are: Meltdowns, inability to handle variety of situations, need for quiet, alone time, retreat spaces, stim behaviors

I didn't get formally dx'ed, but when I came to the personal realization it felt like a weight was lifted. It hasn't been long. I still feel lighter. Wish I'd known as a child.

Life would have been easier if I was diagnosed in childhood. I think if I'd known there wasn't something wrong, that it wasn't my fault, I would have had an easier time living and wouldn't have spent the first 16 years of my life constantly trying to end it.

Obstacles I have overcame: Institutionalization as a teen, repeated suicide attempts, fibromyalgia, chronic pain. How is a whole other matter that I don't even know how to start on.

What indicated to me that I am on the spectrum is from a book I read, I don't remember the title it was ten years ago. The author was/is autistic and her descriptions of her life were just so... Close to what I remember. My mom discounted it, and I forgot about it for ten years, until we started exploring my son's neurology. I think I never got a diagnosis was because
I was fairly "high functioning" I guess. I wanted desperately to fit in, so a lot of my 'weird' behaviors weren't noticed. I think maybe my mom just thought all kids were like me?

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